Imagination is more powerful than Will.

Discuss.

...but all I got was a blank page.

For your listening pleasure (no vid)
Breathe by Abney Park



Item: I lost my silver vocation ring while in the desert southwest. The one engraved with "Mind Body Spirit Peace Love." It wasn't expensive (circa $5) but I've worn it ever since I professed monastic vows a few years ago. I think I left it in Tucson as I didn't have it in NM.

Item: I've maintained my weight loss while on the trip. From limited data, it's not so much what I eat as how much I exercise. Not that I'm pigging out on doublecheezbrgrs and cupcakes in the future.

Item: I didn't have a mental meltdown (yet!) after the trip in part to being able to take personal time at the end of the trip. I'm feeling antsy to get back to work which is a good sign.

Item: The basement lived up to its reputation by flooding in the back corner during a heavy rain yesterday. It looks like it was a misplaced gutter on the corner. La and I took the baseboards off to dry the wall. Called J.u.l.i.e. to get a survey of the underground utilities along the house to see about some type of drainage system away from the foundation.

Item: Replacing & reorganizing the gas lines in the utility room and in the laundry room cost about $400 but now I am safe from "years of gas leakage behind the wall." The tech showed me the dryer fitting and it was loose, black and corroded. Serendipity that the heating/cooling guy came in to service the unit right after I return from a trip so that the house was closed up so the "smell" was present.

Item: Is it worth the focus factor to drink a bit of caffeine (20 oz coffee) to get the concentration & appetite reduction but then I must have caffeine every day or else suffer migrainey withdrawal headache by 3 pm?

Item: I am harvesting & saving seeds right now from the heirlooms.

Item: My hands really hurt and the pain goes up to my elbows. I'm wearing my wrist guards (CTS). My blood work shows the inflammation factors in my body are normal (high, but normal), but my fingers/wrists and now elbows are painful - tender to touch as well.

Item: While in ABQ, I made a spontaneous stop at a local massage/spa office in the Gallerie (sp?) and had an absolutely wonderful massage. My therapist used energy techniques while doing some very gentle trigger point relief for my neck & shoulders. We actually harmonized with the music playing...tonal, rythm, breath, etc. It was incredibly relaxing. I need to find someone practicing that technique/style here in PIA.

Item: I made it to the Farmer's market today to say "warm winter!" to my farmer friends. Sad. Inevitable. I picked up a perfect personal pie pumpkin for some tasty pumpkin challah bread and assorted autumn treats.

Item: I really need to clean my home office and organize the office closet.

Item: There was a house on 2 acres (about 1 acre pasture) about 20 minutes from PIA for auction today. Might have been worthwhile to bid but it was located between two fields...chemical drift would be a problem.

Item: Procrastination is the bane of my existence. Why do I do it? I'll think about it tomorrow or the next day.

Item: I have one candle in the yoga room that refuse to keep its wick lit for more than a few minutes.

Item: The neighbor's black lab has taken to whining when let out into the back yard located next to my bedroom window.

Item: I love strawberry jam.

Item: I am content with all that I have. Thank you.

black eyed susans
turkey vultures feeding on carrion at roadside
father & daughter playing in the yard across the street
the laughter of a 3 year old
apple-carrot-ginger juice
heirloom tomatoes
ocean breeze candle scents wafting over the bed

Michael Pollan had an interesting article in the NY Times. I think my nutritional health plan can be summed up by the end of the article:

Cook it yourself. That’s it. Eat anything you want — just as long as you’re willing to cook it yourself.

Whole wheat pasta, parmesan cheese, green beans, tomatoes, oregano, and basil:

Do not confuse perfection with excellence.

Do not confuse excellence with perfection.

Excellence is achievable. Perfection is not required.

Why am I so surprised when a plan works, I ask again?

Edit: Sunday, June 7
( some thoughts )

I am participating in Earth Hour tonight, March 28 2009, at 8:30 pm local time.

true strength

The quiet confidence of the tree in winter who stands naked against the sky, unashamed, knowing that in time new growth will come from deep within.

quoted from shantidove via lupabitch


I start my new DMARD therapy this Sunday.

I want my life back. I know it will not be the same as it was. It will be better.

The good Benedictine Sisters have invited me back to take a couple weeks of vacation with them. Perhaps in May.

God is voluptuous and delicious

Meister Eckhart (CE 1260-1329)

What is evident to man is evident because God chose it to be evident.Paul's Epistle to the Romans

I take wisdom where I find it.

There is no forbidden knowledge. There is only the question of application for good or for evil; the side of angels is rarely apparent.

a wandering mind
applied principles of discipline
inability to concentrate
passively accept the lies
indecision causes confusion
operating in duality
carnal reasoning feeds
unbelieving spirit
a measure of faith
full revelation


I'm off to my "quiet contemplation" retreat. No phone. No laptop. See y'all on Sunday evening.

The introvert in me has taken over. I will participate but not lead. This is hard for some people who are used to my Type A, True North personality of the last 10/20 years to understand. Work hard, Play hard is gone. "NO" is my answer to everything. I need a break. I need time for me. If I want to work fucking 12 hour days, I will work fucking 12 hour days. Other people hate their jobs. I love my job. I have my dream job. Science, in the zone, means some long hours. Don't tell me it's wrong. I am not a workaholic. "Other" things in my life are not suffering because I choose to work a few more hours. I have all the time in the world. I decide how I will spend it. I might not be able to control the progression of the disease in my body, but I will do everything that is right for me. If work is what sustains me right now, I will work. Work means thinking and writing and solving puzzles and making sense of the world. I have time for my self-care. I exercise. I eat right. I take my medications. I meditate. I am sleeping well. I plan my garden for the spring. I cook. I am not lonely just because you think I should have a partner. I treasure my solitude at home. Okay, the house is empty without a cat, but that can be remedied later on. I am going on a weekend retreat with the good Sisters up in Rock Island at the end of the month. These things work for me. I'm tired of people telling me that there is something wrong in my life. Everything is in correct proportion.

Subhuti was Buddha's disciple.

Subhuti was able to understand the potency of emptiness; that nothing exists except in its relationship of subjectivity and objectivity. One day, in a mood of sublime emptiness, Subhuti was resting underneath a tree when flowers began to fall about him.

"We are praising you for your discourse on emptiness," the gods whispered to Subhuti.

"But I have not spoken of emptiness," replied Subhuti.

"You have not spoken of emptiness; we have not heard emptiness," responded the gods. "This is the true emptiness." The blossoms showered upon Subhuti as rain.

through my thoughts
through my emotions
through my actions
experience my divinity
experience my humanity

Mindfully. Peacefully.

1. Stop reading books/websites about how to get out of debt, declutter your office/home/life, or find your dream job. None of these conditions exist.
   
2. Commit to exercising each day.
   
3. Stop the self-sabotage and negative self-talk.
   
4. Meditate 10 minutes or longer each day. (Stretch: Sit in Zazen once a week.)
   
5. Don't go digital on February 17. It'll save money and liberate time.
   
6. Commit to an anti-inflammation (mostly vegetarian) lifestyle.
   
7. Eat 75% local (100 mile) nutrition.
   
8. Eliminate packaged foods to all extent possible.
   
9. Maintain the "clean desk" policy at work including multi-project, single-task approach.
   
10. Identify and apply for international opportunities for scientific exchange for 2009 and 2010. (Stretch: Participate in an exchange this year.)
    
11. Reduce waste in the household. Increase recycling.
    
12. Determine and follow a financial plan and schedule for home improvements (roof, bathroom, deck, etc).
    
13. Learn to play the Djembe.
    
14. Develop a new social circle of friends that is not predicated on work or alcohol.
    
15. Attend at least 6 meetups.
    
16. Enjoy a glass of wine occasionally.
    
17. Fully fund TSP retirement account. Partially fund Roth IRA. (Stretch: Fully fund the Roth IRA.)
    
18. Expand the garden beds. (Stretch: Plant dwarf fruit trees.)
    
19. Explore rain water catchment for irrigating the garden beds. (Stretch: Implement.)
    
20. Be open to other's involvement in my life.
    
21. Ride my bike for enjoyment at least twice a week, weather permitting. (Stretch: Use bike/trailer to do local shopping on weekend. Big Stretch: Ride to work once a week.)
    
22. Attend a weekend retreat at a local monastery.
    

Good Fortune. Harmony.

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be.
Abraham Maslow

11:11 11-11

I am thankful for:

the companionship of Tigger the Cat
electricity
glorious autumn days
the ability to pursue my career doing what I love
new shoes