( My new best friend.... )
I've had a wonderful 3 days of no "chronic" pain except acute bouts. I attribute it to the prednisone (pictured above) shot I got for my allergic response. Curious, one of the side-effects listed is, "false sense of well-being." I'll take it. Curiouser, other side effects listed are weight gain and depression. I've lost weight and my "depression" is gone. What a difference it makes to my attitude to wake up and not hobble around on gimpy, stiff legs and lower back for an hour. Or have my hands feel like they are on fire in the middle of the night. Maybe it's the combination of dmard (only one dose so far), NSAID, and steroid. Maybe not. Don't care.

I put in some cuts for y'all.

( relocation due to stimulus )

( LJ cut for icky medical stuff! )

Good news is that I took the first dose of DMARDS without any problem. I tend to nap during my lunch break as I am taking 4 different medications that "may cause drowsiness" all by their lonesome. When I am awake - I am AWAKE and doing things. I'm super-productive. I crash hard though.

( mental vomit )
Why now?

In some weird psychological quirk, I have broken out into hives.

true strength

The quiet confidence of the tree in winter who stands naked against the sky, unashamed, knowing that in time new growth will come from deep within.

quoted from shantidove via lupabitch


I start my new DMARD therapy this Sunday.

I want my life back. I know it will not be the same as it was. It will be better.

I slept badly last night. Awake every two hours or so with grogginess in between. My body hurts! I am ready to come home.

I have one more must-attend meeting this morning. Then I plan to rest. My flight is 7 am tomorrow morning.

How long do you want to suffer?

That's what Doc asked me. He said, yes, I do have tendonitus. It's a symptom of a bigger problem in my body. I might not have arthritis in the joints, but I do have inflammation. Inflammation is the systemic disease in my body. It's just not about mobility. It's about my organs. While they could run through every anti-inflammatory in the drug compendium, NSAIDS/COX2s only treat the symptom, not the disease. We have to be aggressive and in 6 weeks or sooner, the inflammation will be under control and the pain will recede. Then, we can deal individually with the other injuries if they haven't been helped. Tramadol is the best alternative for pain right now given the treatment plan. Doc said to not be afraid to ask for more pills from the Rh; they dole them out on a monthly authorization. Doc told me a bit about the treatment plan proposed by the Rh. It's not lifetime drug therapy. Once my inflammation is gone, they taper off the drug to see if my body can hold its own. Doc said it is intervention. My lifestyle changes and nutrient supplements will be more effective after the meds short circuit the inflammation response. Without intervention, my active lifestyle will slowly dissolve away through chronic pain despite my willpower.

******

So why do I choose suffering? I make a choice. I can control my life. Mind-body-spirit connection. The body follows where the mind leads. Imperfect faith? Imperfect practice? Imperfect understanding? Imperfect submission?

do not stop taking tramadol cold turkey.

I don't have arthritus!!

I have tendonitus (in my fingers/wrists and forearms/elbows)!!!

Fucking doctors*,**

My occupational therapist is sending a report to both the Rh and my GP.

*In their defense, they do what they are trained to do in western medicine.

** The Rh, not being able to help me with the inflammation & pain, was ready to prescribe the "disease modifying antirheumatic drugs" to control my arthritus and prevent joint damage. Remember that I test negative for 4 out of 5 indicators of arthritus and my x-rays do not show any arthritic condition in my hands or hips. The other effects of DMARDs scared me - including suppressed immune system, liver & kidney problems, and anemia - enough to remember about comp/alt medicine and went to see my old massage therapist who is now OT. I now have to seek other answers to my hip pain and foot pain but I like dealing with those in reality rather than in the comfort of a one diagnosis for all fantasy.

Gods, I am totally exhausted from Brother T's wedding weekend and family.
Brother T is spending time with his bride's family in New York City before they fly home to Lima, Peru. I love my family. I didn't go to work today, but will stop by the office for a few hours after supper and then head to the riverplex.

Detox!! Green Tea. Fiber. Exercise. Steam. Meditation.

My 1998 car reached the limit of my repair versus buy new one. I was going to have to put in another $1200. Yes. Still cheaper than payment. But. I was looking down a dark tunnel. So. Having watched prices of vehicles for the last 6 months, I found a 2008 Chrysler Sebring Touring Convertible with 13K miles (program car) for just under $15K. The credit union ranked it with NADA as $16.5K; KBB was $17.9K; Last year, the price was $19K (new, it was $28K). With my trade-in above KBB, it was $13.5K well below my upper comfort zone. I did opt for a maintenance contract since I am going to change the oil every 3K miles for $20 or more a pop and I might as well do it at the dealer for warranty issues and maintenance. I also got a "new car" warranty at $30/month (as opposed to a used car warranty). Vehicles are much more complex than 10 years ago. I took a look at the "repair" prices for the 16 different computer systems. Did you know that the gas pedal sensor sends a signal to the fuel pump rather than use a cable? Yikes! Perhaps I won't need it, but peace of mind.Bonus: FlexFuel for E-85. There is only one E85 station in our area, but I tend to take weekend drives that way along the river so I don't anticipate a problem fueling up.

Yes, honestly, somewhat ego-driven as well. Silver steel metallic. Simonized. I like the image that I have of myself driving this convertible.

Upon getting pre-approval with the credit union, the loan specialist told me I have "near perfect credit." Win!!

I am going to check with them about refinancing my home mortgage from 7.15% to <5% and perhaps a shorter term.

I need to update my monthly budget as I now have a car payment, and I am sending money to the parental units for their health care. I still have a healthy cash position for my emergency fund. I may pay down the car loan quickly because the cash is sitting at 3% while the loan is at 4.74% unless I can find some short term CDs.

I am scheduled to attend a retreat with the good Benedictine Sisters at St. Mary's Monastery in Rock Island, IL this weekend. I need some time alone and in community to clarify my inner voice.

Finally, I want to thank you, my friends, for your journal entries. I love reading them and sharing your lives in a small way.

I slept the day away. Tigger the Cat approves. I ended up reading in bed through the morning. Not very motivated even with a list. M&M came over about 3:30 pm and got me out of bed where I had dozed off with a book and a cuppa. I wasn't answering the phone. Made sure I ate. Ate home made french onion soup. Had a cookie. Noni tea. Back to bed with another book and a cuppa. The week of sugar, caffeine, and grease caught up with me. I'm coming out of a strawberry milkshake fog.

I see Doc on the 12th. I have many deadlines this week. Stress. I'm working this weekend to catch up on as many things as I can. The visitors from Taiwan took up 80% of my time. Bad eating.

( Sorry, I'm obsessing )

My colleague from Taiwan stopped by my office yesterday and gushed over my music - I was playing buddha lounge. I'll burn a couple CDs for him. It was a neat connection - something other than work.

After I finish my coffee, I'll tidy one room of the house and then head to work.

One day at a time. Sunrise. Sunset.

Work is still going well. The (new) Area Director visited my lab and I was allotted 4 minutes to tell him how exciting my research is for me.

My wrists/hands/fingers hurt but I did not take the meds for my back (relaxant, anti-inflammatory, pain) last night so it might be a backlash. The back is less and less stiff (and painful) and I am regaining strength and mobility.

I am flying to Phoenix AZ over the November holiday for a week. Sun. Hiking. Sisters. I got a direct flight on Allegiant so it'll minimize my hauling baggage around. Minimal packing - no laptop and work. I also paid for a reserved seat so I have an aisle to stand up, stretch and sit down without disturbing my seat mates. I'm bringing a healthy lunch with me to eat on the flight.

I cancelled my work trips in November and December. I may or may not fly in January. I'm doing well, but I am really looking at how I work and whether the trips are helping or hurting. The trips energize me and drain me. I am not so gung-ho on followup and this disturbs me. If I'm procrastinating, it means I'm not enjoying the task(s). I need a shift.